The Final Chapter

Nov 30, 1979
Went to Hurrahs to see Wreckless Eric. He was ok. Tommy Trask was there. After we went to Max's and the Contortions were playing but we missed seeing them. I spoke to Howie for awhile. Walter was there. I also saw Frank Infante. Then we went to CBGBs and saw the Colors. The lead singer is really cute. Clem Burke was there and he got his haircut. Oh gee - what a Rock Star night. So made at my roommate over the bullshit over the Ramones tickets at the Paladium for New Years Eve. Glad we are not moving anywhere together. I don't even think I might moving back to NJ. Just really sick of NYC and this whole scene.

Dec 3rd, 1979
I went home for the weekend and when I came back I got an awful surprise. Arturo was there and he let my dog go loose. He took her to the park and just let her go. I spoke to Billy and we are getting along now.

Dec 4th, 1979
I spent all day looking for my dog but no luck. The ASPCA thought someone found her but it was not Eva. Spoke to Billy.

Dec 5th, 1979
I found my dog. Someone had found her and they had taken her away with them for the weekend. I am so happy to have her back. Spoke to Billy again.

Dec 6th, 1979
Moved all my stuff back to NJ

Dec 7th, 1979
I went to Maxs and saw the Incognitos. Walter Lure and Cheetah Chrome were in the band. Frank Infante went on stage and jammed with them. Clem Burke and Gary Valentine were also there for alittle while. Paul Zone was there and we talked awhile. I spoke to Walker alot. Billy was there and we sort of got along like it was old times. He gave me my movies back. They are playing at Maxs on Wed since Neon Leon cancelled. I guess I will go. It turned out all of the Blessed were there tonight.

Dec 9th, 1979
I went to see Iggy at Hurrahs with some band Human Sexual Response. Iggy was pretty wild. We got there pretty early so I was right up against the stage. The crowd was too wild and I thought I was going to die a few times. And guess who was there, David Bowie! He looked so good as always. He went running by with Iggy. The two of them looked so cute together. God, I hadn't seen David Bowie in so long. Oh Hail True Love!

Dec 12th, 1979
I went to see the Blessed and the Boyfriends at Maxs. It was empty so the Blessed only did one set. But it wasn't their fault because Neon Leon was supposed to play instead. He spoke to Billy and he was so nice. I spoke to Billy yesterday to make sure they were playing and Brad answered the phone. So I heard Billy go on the background, "Oh God what does she want" but I knew he was kidding but I pretended I didn't know and hung up. So during the show Billy & Howie were fighting on stage as always. Well Billy was squriting beer on Howie and then Howie squirted the rest of the been on me. Real sweet right?

Dec 14th, 1979
I went to see the Senders, Buzz, and Flyers at Maxs. It was ok. All of the Blessed were there. I spoke to Billy for awhile and he is sort of being a jerk. After we went to some after hours club called Stickball. It was ok but kind of boring. Tiny Tim was there. I don't think I will be going into NYC too much anymore. It has become so dull here and all of the people too. Something is changing. It is just not the same. Maybe I can become an actress and get into movies some way.

Dec 15th, 1979
I saw David Bowie on Saturday Night Live and then on a concert on TV. God he was so good. He's really getting back into drag. He should because he is such a girl.

 I did some more realizing last night. Last night at Maxs, some guy either overdosed or had an epilyptic attack so the bouncers at Maxs carried him outside and just put him on the sidewalk to turn blue. They did not even call for help. They just put him on the sidewalk to die. I don't want to go to Maxs too much anymore. God forbid something happens to you, they thrown you outside so they don't get involved.

Post Script
I had some additional writings but the pages have been ripped out of my diary. I hardly went into NYC after this night go to the clubs. Everything seemed to be changing or maybe it was me. Looking back, the entire time of following bands and then the punk scene in the late 70's was one of the most fun times in my life. I never thought that time would ever end. I still think the Blessed were of the best bands ever and I am sorry they did not last.

If anyone has stories to share from then, I would love to post them here.
email me at judylynne33@gmail.com

XOXO JLP
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Finally another posting - several journal entries

I can believe I have not done this in so long. Anyway - after this, I should be able to get it into 1 more posting. Enjoy!

Oct 29th, 1979
I went for a job interview today. Ugh. One of them seemed ok. Iggy & Dead Boys are coming up. I can’t wait to see them both.

Oct 30th, 1979
So I am never going to see the Blessed again. I called Billy to see if he would put me on the guest list for Saturday and he said he would try. What a bunch of crap. I will go and see the Dead Boys instead that night. It just amazes me how guys in bands can be. I didn’t know it was a crime to be a fan. I should take everything I have of the Blessed and seal it in a box. I still like Walter & Brad but Howie & Billy kind of rule the band. I don’t think Walter gets involved in their childish garbage. Walter should go team up with Johnny Thunders again. What a dream pair. I wonder if the Blessed will ever go anywhere. I should go and do the Richard Hell fan club instead. I knew when I had the chance to do it last time I should have, something inside me told me. I knew my friendship with the Blessed wouldn’t last. I saw all the things changing, especially that 1 weekend. Billy met that girl that night and Maryann and I had that huge fight. Well Billy is only 17 so maybe that is why he acts the way he does.

Oct 31st, 1979
I went to see the Dead Boys at TRAX. It was so great. Johnny Zero looked so good. I went instead of going to see Iggy. I saw none of the Blessed there. I am still not going to see them anymore.

Nov 1st, 1979
I went to see the Dead Boys in Philadelphia at the Hot Club. God, it was so gross and disgusting there. I was standing in the front but had to move to the back of the club it was so awful there. I went with JoVan. We slept over Natalie’s house so that was a lot of fun.

Nov 3rd. 1979
I decided not to go to the Blessed tonight. It was hard not to go see them but it was for the best. Instead I went to see the Dead Boys at Heat. That club really stinks. I think every club sucks now. The rest try but they just don’t measure up. I am so obsessed with the Dead Boys and Jimmy Zero now. Jimmy Zero hurt his hand so they had to done some songs without them which sucked. Rick Derringer went on stage for some of the songs and it was pretty funny. Kind of boring to see him up there. I saw Paul Zone there and he was really friendly and so f’d up. He put his arms around me and kissed me goodbye. The Fast have been touring all over with the Cars and the guy from the Cars is going to produce their album. I was really happy for Paul Zone because he deserves it. It was really a fun night but it will feel weird when I run into anyone from the Blessed again.

Nov 4th, 1979
I went to see the Dead Boys at Squat. It was an afternoon show and it was so good. Jimmy Zero still could not play because of his hand so he announced the band and then for the rest of the show he stood at the side of the stage. Anyway – the show was so funny because Jimmy kept yelling for himself and the whole band was making comments to each other. I was never at anything like it. I want to be a Dead Boy. You know that I’m just a Dead Boy. Oh Dead Boys, Hail True love.

Nov 5th, 1979
I spoke to Eileen today. She is going to try to get my Blessed films back for me from Billy because I know I will never get them back from him.

Nov 6th 1979
I really think that Jimmy Zero is my favorite now. When Johnny Ramone comes back from tour, I am sure he will be my favorite again. Arturo called today and he thinks the Ramones will be back from touring on Dec 10th.

Nov 9th, 1979
I went to CBGBs and saw the Student Teachers, Colors, and Crayola. I really loved the Colors, the lead singer is so nice and so cute. The Student Teachers were really good as always and nice. I saw Paul Zone there and he acted like he never saw me at Heat and started to tell me all of the same stuff for me again. I saw Clem Burke there and he didn’t even say hello. I guess he is too much of a star now. I had a really good time considering I was at CBGBs but I don’t think I could stomach Maxs. That awful crowd there now, although there were such a bunch of jerks at CBGBs.

Nov 10th, 1979
I went to CBGBs again to see Tigerbeat (what a fantastic band), Colors, and Student Teachers but I left before the Student Teachers came on. I saw Brad and spoke to him for awhile and it was good to see him. But then I saw Billy & Howie and either they did not see me or they ignored me but I left before I would come face to face with them. Its so strange to worry about coming face to face with them. What a change from before when I would have died to have just seen them.

Nov 13th, 1979
So much as changed since I have started to keep this diary. I found out that Joody and some other people were at Maxs and saw Billy, Howie, & Brad. So Joody was talking to Brad about me and Howie walks by and goes “Oh she hates us now.” Well at least he knows it. The truth is don’t hate the Blessed. I love the Blessed. I just hate Howie & Billy. I had a crazy dream about Walter Lure the other night. I wish dreams did come true. I do like Walter Lure & Jimmy Zero both.

Nov 14th, 1979
I went to see the Dead Boys, Cheap Perfume, and Hammer Damage at Maxs and it was great. We were so far back online but don’t ask me how, once we were in there, I was able to get right up front right under Jimmy Zero. He looked so good and every so often he would do these motions that were wild. Billy & Howie were there. I know Billy saw me because I saw him move his head to look but I pretended I didn’t see him. F him, I don’t need all of his ego garbage. But I saw this advertisement for their record that it is coming out of course I had to take it. I just could not resist.

Nov 15th, 1979
I went to see the Senders at Maxs. Oh what a night. Billy & Howie were there and I didn’t talk to the all night. It is just so dumb and I am so sick of playing games. Howie was giving me dirty looks and Billy would just give me an evil stare. F them. The Blessed are playing on Sunday and I might go although I don’t want to lower myself.

Nov 18th, 1979
Oh hail true love. I went to this benefit at Maxs and saw the Blessed, Rattlers, and some other bands play. I sort of made up with Billy. At least we are talking now. I almost cried when I saw the Blessed. They were so damn good. Anyway – I had this long talk with Walter Lure. We spoke about my haircut and how to bleach out hair and the Heartbreakers are going to be playing again at the end of December. God I can’t wait. I miss them so much. Walter was so funny and he kept telling us these really funny stories about Johnny Thunders. Walter’s fave Rolling Stones song is ‘Stray Cat Blues” and so is mine. I can’t believe it. I spoke to everyone in the Blessed except for Howie but I think he has a mental problem. Anyway – I am so happy that I went tonight. Things were so much better than I thought they would have. I hate myself for falling in love with the Blessed again.

Nov 20th 1979
I went to Maxs. It was Ivan’s birthday so he had his band play. Frank Zappa got on stage and announced them. He got his hair cut and looked good. So Billy & Walter went on stage and jammed for “Happy” and “Stray Cat Blues”. Then Walter, Brad, and Howie jammed for “Chinese Rocks”. It was good to hear Billy since “Stray Cat Blues” as I had been wanting him to do it for so long.

Nov 21st, 1979
Arturo came into today to print more t shirts for the tour. I saw Levi and the Rockets at Maxs and they were really good. I have been on a Rolling Stones kick lately and just keep listening to them. I love the songs “Til the next time we say goodbye”, “Memory Motel” and “Dead Flowers”. I would love to meet Keith and get to talk to him.

I have been feeling so blah about everyone. I don’t even care about Jimmy Zero or Johnny Ramone. I should probably not go to the Blessed any more.

Nov 24th, 1979
I went to CBGBs to see Shrapnel and the Rattlers. Ricky from Phili came in for the weekend and we had such a great time.

Nov 25th 1979
I went to see Wayne County at CBGB’s. Brad was there and I also saw Billy. We talked for pretty long and he was surprisingly nice. But he asked me if I sent the letter to Maryann yet. Cathy has such a big mouth. Then I left CBGBs and went back later on. I saw Howie and I had a really long talk with him. It was the first time I had talked to him in so long and we actually got along. The Blessed are going to try to open for the Ramones on New Years Eve at the Palladium. I hope they do, it would so great for them. So I feel on good terms with the Blessed again. The Blessed are supposed to play in Phili in a few weeks and I would really like to go.

XOXO JLP



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Move of the Story - Several days

I have been so lazy with posting so I will post several days at once.

Oct 18th, 1979
I still have not found a job in NYC but that is ok. I do the same thing here as I do home, nothing. Tomorrow I am going to go to some museums and apply for some jobs. Nicole & I are becoming pretty good friends. I talk to her a few times a day. Howie Pyro has become somewhat of an arrogant ass. The Student Teachers are opening up for Iggy at a few places. I can not believe that. They are reall going to go somewhere.

Oct 19th, 1979
I went to Club 57 to see the Only Ones and the Student Teachers. I had an ok time. Howie was there and I did not even say a word to him. No one really was there. I was hoping that Jimmy Destri would bring the rest of Blondie to the show with him but he didn't. I guess Billy really did go to Connecticut. I wonder why Howie did not have his harem with him. Walter Lure was there last night and I think he was with a girl. He got his hair cut but of course he looked cute anyway. Eilene Polk was there last night and she got her hair cut short and she looks really mod now. I got my hair but and it is so fucked up but I wanted it done. Well at least hair grows out.

Oct 22nd, 1979
I spoke to Billy and I got some things straightened out. He was semi-nice. He said the Blessed are really busy this week so he might not be able to give me my films. We did speak awhile. I would like for us to stay friends but with him it seems so impossible. Hopefully we will speak again this week. I really miss having fun times with him and laughing. I guess times will only tell.

Oct 26th, 1979
I am so furious. I am ready to move back home. Geri is so boring and she never wants to go anywhere. I don't even want to move with her anywhere after the loft is done. I wanted a roommate that I could go out with but she never wants to go anywhere. It is Friday night and she goes to bed at 9:30. I wanted to go to Club 57. I could have gone alone but I don't like coming alone at night. This area is so disgusting and this homeless guy is always in our doorstep. Why does this have to be right off the Bowery. We are supposed to get a dog tomorrow and then I just want to go out alone for the day. I finally move to NYC and it seems more boring than NJ. Joody is supposed to go to Gildersleeves tonight to see Harlow. Hopefully she will call. I am dying for a cigarette. So I have no idea what I was writing because some people just came over to visit for awhile. I am so glad. I feel so much better. I am sure that Geri is pissed because we probably kept her up. But it is a Friday night and it is my apartment too. The world does not end at 9:30 at night.

Ocy 27th, 1979
I got a dog today. She is some kind of a collie mix and her name is Eva. Geri & I went to the movies and saw "Lolita" and "Some like it hot". Both movies were so good. I think I am going to join the membership since it is $15.00 for the year and the movies are half price so instead of $4.00 it is $2.00. They get such good movies there. After we went to Max's and saw Voodoo Shoes and Cellmates. But we had to leave early because Geri wanted to. Billy, Walter, & Brad were there. I know Billy saw me and he did not even say hello. He disappeared for awhile and left. I find it very nervy of Billy not even to come say hello. I should say fuck the Blessed and forget that they ever even existed. I would be much better off. They have been showing videos at Max's so I saw last night Bowie, Blondie, & Sid. I was so good. The Blessed are in a movie that's being shown at Max's & I really haven't decided whether or not to go to it. I feel Billy is just treating me like crap. Not sure what it is with some bands. They are all on ego trips and for no reason. But the Ramones are nothing like that. Johnny is so sweet and he knows how to appreciate his fans but some of the other NYC bands are so horrible. I think it is because they hang in the clubs so much and people treat them really good so they think they are rock stars but they are not. Some of these people really think they are on a higher level because they are in a band. Bands would be no where without fans. No one would go see them or buy their records or wear their buttons. The Ramones are so different and not stuck up at all. I think Joey would be doing alot better without Linda and would also be alot nicer but...I think Arturo is such a dream.

One time JoVan and I were going to write a book on groupies. The dedication for the book was going to be:
The Fans who care,
The Groupies who dare,
the bands on the stage,
& the boys of young age.

Isn't that great. I thought of it. so JoVan thought of a great name for a fanzine - Stray Cat News. That would also be a great name for a book but I would like to title it The Groupie Book" Proud to be a Groupie. I would like to interview groupies and even how Rock Stars felt about groupies. Have lots of pictures. Info on how to get a rock star and all that good stuff. I bet the book would sell if it was a really good groupie book. I would even include the words to songs that had to do with groupies. I think I will get another diary and just put all of my thoughts in it for the book.

XOXO JLP
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And on and on and on....

Oct 16th, 1979

I think Billy and I are in war. I called him and demanded my films back. I told him we could just meet somewhere but he is going to Connecticut for a week. I told him he should just stay there. So I told him he could give them to be next week but he said if he had time and I said he could take 5 minutes out of his day and meet me. He said we would discuss it next week. That bastard better put me on the guest list for the show for next week so I hope we make up by then. I went to Haydens Planetarium in the afternoon. I love it so much there. I almost invited Billy to go but I didn't. I just want us to get along and be friends. Why does that lately seem so hard? He should just keep his mouth shut once in awhile and think before he talks. And he has to get off of that ego trip he is on.

XOXO JLP
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Too Much Drama...

Oct 15th, 1979

Billy called me. I guess miracles do occur but he was so obnoxious. He got my phone number from Nicole. Anyway - later that night when I was talking to Nicole, she told me that Billy told her once she got to know me, she would not like me. So I called Billy back and yelled at him. I swear if I ever see him again, I wil not speak to him. He just has growing up to do. What do you expect from a 16 year old.

XOXO JLP
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The Move In

Sorry I have not posted in so long. Just busy with vacation, holidays etc.

Oct 12th, 1979
Moved into NYC today and went to see Cheetah's Band.

Oct 14th, 1979
I have been living in my home for 2 days. I live on East 2nd street. I cannot believe I finally moved into NYC even if just for a short time while the Ramones are on tour. There was some bum in sitting outside our door while I was moving in. But so cool being right around the corner from CBGB's.

We have had to clean up this place alot. I am learning not to have a heart attach everytime I see a cockroach. Gerry took Joey Ramone's bed and I took Arturo's. I think she is in love with Joey anyway. Joey Ramone has to be the biggest F'ing pig that has ever lived. So much crap everywhere but we really cleaned it up nice. They should appreciate it when they are back.

The loft is great. It is huge with really nice big windows that face the street, not that the view is so hot. It feel so good to be able to go out at night and not have to go back to NJ. I called Billy, God only knows why and he has turned into such the #1 bitch. He was supposed to be meet that girl he was seeing at the Mudd Club and never showed up. I really do feel bad for her since she is such a sweet kid. I really thought that Billy and I were good friends but maybe he just got sick of me.

I really thought I would be scared to be living in NYC but I really feel safe in this area. I cannot believe how many bums live around here but it is right off the Bowery. I found so many promotional items in the loft. I would love to steal all of them. I will definetly take some posters since there are so many of them.

XOXO JLP

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The Blessed at CBGB's

Oct 9th, 1979

I went to see The Blessed at CBGB's. I was really upset because Billy did not put me on the guest list. I spoke to his girlfriend for a really long time and it seems that Billy really screwed her over. I also spoke to Billy quite a bit and he seems to be back to his old self and we were getting along. I'm still alittle pissed about the guest list though. I guess I will be seeing him more once I move into the city. Should be so much fun living in Joey Ramone's loft while they are on tour, only if it is just for a few weeks. For the first time I saw a few table back from the stage. It was interesting to see the whole band and be smushed against the stage. Walter was strange. He kept walking by and making strange faces at me. I kind of love Walter but I would never tell a soul. Oh the Blessed are such a bunch of f_-ups.

XOXO JLP
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More Ramones etc...

Oct 4th, 1979
Called Billy again.

Oct 6th, 1979
Went into NYC to see "Ladies and Gentlemen , the Rolling Stones.

Oct 8th, 1979
I went to see the Ramones at Queens College. It was a great show. It was Johnny Ramone's birthday. I met some girl Jillian who told me she's been friends with David Bowie since 1971. I wonder if its true. If so, I am so completely jealous.

After the show, we waited outside for the Ramones to come out. I said Happy Birthday to Johnny and I told him I did not get any guitar pics at that show so he gave me one. He is so nice. Gerry & I found out for sure that we are subletting the loft where Joey Ramone and Arturo live while the Ramones go on tour. Can't wait.

XOXO JLP
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J.T.'s Gangwar

Oct 1st, 1979

Went to see Johnny Thunder's Gangwar at the Fast Lane in Asbury Park NJ. Another band for Johnny. They were ok but they did nothing off of L.A.M.F. They did some good covers though. I could not believe that they did "You can't put your arms around a memory". God I love that song. I never saw Johnny do that live so that alone was worth going for. They Heartbreakers would never play it live because supposedly Jerry did not want to. I still like it when Johnny & Walter Lure play together. That will always be the best combination.

XOXO JLP
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More Wayne County

Sept 30th, 1979

Oh what a night. I went to see Wayne County at Max's. Billy has a 14 year old girlfriend with braces. I think that she things of Billy as some big Rock Star. To top it off, Mary Ann was talking to them both all night, and probably about me. So now me & Billy do not get along too well all because of Mary Ann. Well, Sue, the other Judy, and me plan on getting revenge on Mary Ann. And I will if it is the last thing I do. I found out that Billy and Brad will be playing at Ivan's birthday party at Max's on Oct 20th. Billy will be singing "Stray Cat Blues" which is one of my absolute favorites and they may also do "Dead Flowers".

XOXOJLP

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Too Much Drama

Sept 29th, 1979

I went to Max's and saw Wayne County and the Rattlers. I went up front for Wayne's 2nd set and she was so good. But overall, it was the most horrible night. All of the Blessed were there. Me & Mary Ann are in this big fight so she was a complete bitch. Billy came into Max's and then went over to me and spoke for a few minutes and then went over to Howie and I did not see him for the rest of the night. And he left with this real sleezy blonde who is a waitress there. He saw me and did not even say goodbye and I am thinking of honestly never going to another Blessed show. I don't even want to go and see Wayne County for the 2nd night but the drummer owes me some money and he put me on the guess list for tonight.

I really hope that Billy is not there. If he is I will not even talk to him. I know Mary Ann told Howie & Billy about our fight and maybe that is why Howie is being such a complete f'ing snob. I can not believe what a c_nt Mary Ann turned out to be.

Jo Van and Bobby Ebz went with us and they were so awful and gross going home. So completely f 'ed up on drugs I think. I also found out that Tommy Trask said he was glad I did not go to their shows anymore and was glad I did not stand up front. I wonder if it is true that he would say that since I was such a good fan. What an f'ing c_nt. This past week just seems like one slap in the face after the next.

XOXOJLP
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Blondie's Video Taping

Sept 27th, 1979

I won these tickets from WPIX to go & be on Top of the Pops where Blondie was being filmed for some of their videos. It was all so random. I was at my friend's house and we had on the radio and they announced they were giving away free tickets. I could not believe it so I called and won. When we got there, the line was so long to get in and I don't even think you needed tickets. I saw the Student Teachers there also.

The whole thing was so monotonous. As much as I love Blondie, I only stayed for half of it which was hours. They did each song at least 5 times and it took so long because the band was so f*ck'ed up and they were doing all kinds of other songs and really goofing off. I spoke to Nigel alot there and he was so sweet.

After we left we went to Max's. They had some crap they were saluting in NYC. Wayne County played but we didn't even stay long enough. I had heard that Billy had come but he didn't want to come upstairs. But then later on we were hanging out with some kid Charlie outside and Billy came by. Boy has he changed. All he cared about was finding something to get high on and then as soon as he found it, he took off. I feel as if I do not even know him anymore. I don't think I even want to go to anymore Blessed shows. Max's just got me so sick last night. It was so boring. I guess it is time to find something a bit more exciting to do.

I found out that MaryAnn was really f*cking me over so I wrote her a letter telling her off. I have a feeling she called Billy and told him. I can see the 2 of them becoming best friends because of their new common interests and I will probably be treated like such crap. Just let her say one thing to Billy about me or if she turns him against me in any way, I will f*ck her over with Howie so much.

XOXOJLP

The Rise & Fall...Fame

Sept 25, 1979

I went to Hurrah's because they were having this whole list of bands to salute NYC. What a shitty place to go. The 2 really big names cancelled. Debby Harry & Chris Stein were there. I spoke to Debby for alittle while. She has turned into such a snob. I guess that's what fame does to you but she was so stuck up. I just have looked at her a few times and I didn't even know it was her. Chris Stein looked really different too. Worse I think. I will never understand why she is with him. Debbie looked really good though. We went to Max's after but it was dead. Then we went to this diner in the Village that mostly gay people go to. Miki Zone was there. Maybe he's gay.

XOXOJLP
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An Unedited Page

For Nicole....

So truth be told, I do slight editing to my diary at times for 2 reasons. The first is I do not want to incriminate others for their past drug use and the other is probably complete embarrassment of how silly I actually sounded at times. But this was 30 years ago, the mind of an obsessed 21 year old. So I have decided not to edit going forward and to post a completely unedited day that I just skipped.

And by the way – the original title of diary was called Hail True Love (loved a shirt that Walter Lure used to wear with it written on it) but as my infatuation with the Blessed grew, I changed the name to “My journal: or How I fell in love with Howie Pyro: A day by day account.”

So it has been fun to reconnect with Billy & Howie originally on myspace & now on facebook and to see none of us ever really grow up :)

Sept 22nd, 1979

I did not go into NYC last night and it took so much willpower not to go. I know if I want to Max's I would see Billy but I honestly could not face him. I've been so depressed about him. He has changed to much and I am going to avoid seeing Billy now and I will not call or write him for as long as I can hold out. I can't say I will never call him again as I am only human. I just hope I have to self will in my not to call him. He just repulses me now the same way Howie did when I stopped liking him. I am going to be looking for a job tomorrow. So I will start getting my life in order for me. Tonight the Ramones are playing and so is Johnny Thunders and I doubt I will go to either.

Reedited Version - Change of Plans

Sept 23rd, 1979

Reedited to include the entire page and not the edited version.

I called up Billy for a change. I must be nuts or something. So I told him there was a chance I would be going to Max's so to go and I would give him the movie films if I was there. Well I was all ready to go to the Ramones and all of a sudden I just had to go to Max's instead. I saw Billy there. I saw The Heat and the 2 Timers. I offered Billy a ride home after but he said he was not going home. I have this horrible feeling that he left with some sleezy waitress. I am actually going insane over Billy. I feel he has turned my life upside down. Well I will try not to call him this week but obviously my word is not good. I know I won't be writing Billy anymore letters since he does not appreciate them. Over all, the night was kind of borning. Not too much going on. I should have gone to the Ramones. It was have been such a better night.

A Wasted Night

Sept 20th, 1979

I went into NYC with Mary Ann. She wanted to see Howie but he was not working. So we called Billy so I could try to get my movies back. He got my letter. I am kind of depressed about the whole situation. We met up with Jeff Miller and I think he is selling Billy drugs. I can't believe this is what is going to become of Billy. I have this feeling that the next Blessed show is really going to suck. I don't know if I even like them anymore. I am just so repulsed by this new drug habit. After we went over the Eileen's. She quit being the Blessed Manager and I don't blame her. Hopefully Billy will straighten himself out.

XOXOJLP
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Blessed are the Children....

Sept 19th, 1979

I spoke to Billy on the phone. He said he did not get my letter yet but I think he was lying. We only spoke for about 10 minutes because I had to get off. So I found out where Billy was last Monday when we could not find him and he was with Brad. I also found out that Mary Ann called Billy to get Howie's phone number. Billy told her I was really drunk on Saturday and was funny but he said I was acting kind of snotty. Anyway - I will see Billy tomorrow because Me & Mary Ann are going into the city to go shopping and Billy is going to meet us and he said he would give me my movies back.

"Would you belive me if I crawled in front of you and died,
Well on you I can depend to help bring my life to an end."
- Blessed (from "Trust Me")

XOXO JLP

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More Ramones...

Sept 18th, 1979

I went to see the Ramones at some club in NJ called Mothers. It was the absolute pits. Johnny was so funny. I embaressed him really bad screaming for him but he stepped on my finger once. It was also Dee Dee's birthday. The Ramones did some new stuff which was good of course.

I have had this horrible infatuation with the Rolling Stones lately. That is all that I ever play on my turntable. Always playing the Dead Flowers album. It is nice to listen to with all the lights out in my room and just lay there and listen to it play over and over. I also borrowed this really cute little Stones button that I wear all the time now.

XOXO JLP
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Dead Flowers...

Sept 17th, 1979

I spoke to Billy. I wanted him to meet us at Max's to give me back my films. Well he said he was not giving back the films so I did not make any plans to get together. So we went into NYC looking for some excitement. First we went to Madison Square Garden and hung out at The Who's limo waiting for them but it got boring so we left. Then we went to Studio 54 because Jay wanted to use the bathroom but they told her is was closed and she could not go in. So we wound up seeing Albert King at the Lone Star. I actually saw the Richard Hell roadie there which was kind of a surprise. We thought maybe Mick Jagger would be there but he wasn't. It seems whenever I go into NYC with no plans, I have so much fun. I mailed a letter to Billy yesterday and it was a good one. I sent him dead flowers in it. I also wrote in the letter that he should stay away from drugs. I think it was the nicest letter I ever sent him.

XOXO JLP
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Just another night...

Sept 15th, 1979

I spoke to Billy on the phone. We are going to meet him at Max's tonight so I can lend him the movie films I took of the Blessed. I wish they had sound to them. I was going to go to the Ramones instead but I heard that last night at the club, someone cut the wires so they could not play and that really scared me considering what kind of a paranoid person that I am. I hope tonight is fun. I can drink tonight since I am not driving. Maybe I will buy a bottle before I go since it is so expensive to drink at the club. I called Billy Howie by mistake. I think I am going to send Billy some dead flowers in the mail. I love that song by the Stones.

So we went into Max's and all of the Rock-a-billy bands were playing Fun Fun Fun. It was a really screwed up night. I threw up before I even got to Max's. Billy was there but all we did was fight. I had a fight with Joody also. Maybe it was the drinking. Everyone was pretty f'd up there. I think Billy is getting kind of deep into it. Hope he can handle it.

XOXOJLO
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