An Unedited Page

For Nicole....

So truth be told, I do slight editing to my diary at times for 2 reasons. The first is I do not want to incriminate others for their past drug use and the other is probably complete embarrassment of how silly I actually sounded at times. But this was 30 years ago, the mind of an obsessed 21 year old. So I have decided not to edit going forward and to post a completely unedited day that I just skipped.

And by the way – the original title of diary was called Hail True Love (loved a shirt that Walter Lure used to wear with it written on it) but as my infatuation with the Blessed grew, I changed the name to “My journal: or How I fell in love with Howie Pyro: A day by day account.”

So it has been fun to reconnect with Billy & Howie originally on myspace & now on facebook and to see none of us ever really grow up :)

Sept 22nd, 1979

I did not go into NYC last night and it took so much willpower not to go. I know if I want to Max's I would see Billy but I honestly could not face him. I've been so depressed about him. He has changed to much and I am going to avoid seeing Billy now and I will not call or write him for as long as I can hold out. I can't say I will never call him again as I am only human. I just hope I have to self will in my not to call him. He just repulses me now the same way Howie did when I stopped liking him. I am going to be looking for a job tomorrow. So I will start getting my life in order for me. Tonight the Ramones are playing and so is Johnny Thunders and I doubt I will go to either.